All three synoptic gospel writers (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) record Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce and remarriage. We usually turn to Matthew because it seems the most comprehensive, but let’s glance at Mark’s account today.
2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10.2–12 ESV)
“Is it lawful…?” is not always but often is the question of a legalist. We want to know exactly where God draws the line so we can edge right up to it. Dad tells his child, don’t go too close to the cliff or you’ll fall over, and the child wants to know, “Dad, how close is too close?” Not understanding the danger, he wants to experience the edge of the cliff.
The Pharisees were asking Jesus if God permitted divorce. Is it legally okay under God’s law to divorce? They knew God hated divorce (Malachi 2.14–16), but did He permit it? They were not asking how they could most please God; they wanted to know how much they could get away with. Sadly, many disgruntled spouses still ask that question.
To that point, they brought up Deuteronomy 24.1–4: “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” That’s an interesting read on Deuteronomy 24. “Moses allowed” could infer “Moses approved.” Rather, Jesus pointed out it was “because of your harness of heart he wrote you this commandment.” In other words, God was regulating their sinful hearts. This “allowance” to divorce did not mean God was okay with the heart of the one breaking the marriage.
Jesus referred those Pharisees back to creation, citing Genesis 1 and 2, to show that God created one man with one woman with the intent that one man marry one woman and never separate from her. In fact, God Himself joins them together, and man has no right to separate what God has joined. Therefore, the violent act of divorce tears asunder something God built.
What about Remarriage After Divorce?
Privately with His disciples, Jesus later explained that the one (man or woman) who divorces and then marries another becomes guilty of adultery. Adultery is sexual unfaithfulness to a spouse. When the Israelites went after other gods, God called that adultery. Israel was God’s bride, and they committed the extreme act of unfaithfulness when they ran after other husbands (i.e., Jeremiah 3.6–10; Ezekiel 16.30–38). It’s easy to see how horrible and unfaithful adultery is when committed inside of marriage, but Jesus here says the one who already divorced his wife will be guilty of adultery if he remarries. Is the divorced couple still married in God’s eyes? Or is the second marriage sealing and finalizing the extreme unfaithfulness that began with divorce?
In Deuteronomy 24.1–4 we find the law Jesus was discussing with the Pharisees:
When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
If the divorced woman remarries, she is never to return to her first husband because she has been defiled. That first marriage has been adulterated.
Is she really a wife to the second man? Yes. God recognizes that marriage. Should she divorce that man because her marriage resulted in a defiling? No, that is not the teaching. In fact, the teaching is that she never return to her first husband. There is no looking back at this point. She can live in her second marriage as a dutiful wife under the law and under the covenant. The sin seems to be mainly on the husband’s account, but Jesus further teaches in Matthew 5.31–32 that if a man divorces his wife, he makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries that divorced woman commits adultery. Lots of sin is involved in divorce and in marrying a divorcee.
The legalist looks at all of this and says, “Yeah, but God still allows it, doesn’t He?” That’s the Pharisees’ position. And that’s the road to hell. The one who enters a relationship with that kind of heart cares nothing about God’s will or His righteousness. The one who divorces his spouse shows hatred towards her and profanes the covenant they entered. Divorce says to God, “I don’t care what You told me to do; I will do what I want.”
Further, remarriage to another seals the deal with a complete dismissal of the previous covenant. It is totally and forever broken. It’s the ultimate act of betrayal—adulterating the promises made to only be one flesh with that one partner for life.
What about Those Already Divorced and Remarried?
Can God save people out of this horrible mess? Can one repent of his hatred, selfishness, and adultery? Yes. But the godly and scriptural answer is not to return to the first spouse if one of them is remarried.
According to 1 Corinthians 7.10–11, if a Christian marriage has dissolved and the partners have left one another, the only godly solution is for them to get back together. But what if one of them further sins and marries another? The opportunity to return to the first spouse is cut off forever. It is abhorrent to God for the original couple to get back together again (Deut. 24.4). What is to be done in such a case? Should the newly married couple divorce? Would that fix the problem? Are they to remain celibate for the rest of their lives? Is the one who married the divorced woman now tainted forever? Was he really married in God’s eyes, or can he marry someone else now?
And what about a person who has divorced and whose spouse has remarried? He now has no opportunity to return to his first spouse. Is the answer for him a life of celibacy?
Interestingly, God does not answer those questions case by case. He tells us clearly what constitutes sin, but He does not tell us exactly what to do moving forward. He does not tell us what repentance looks like in these cases. Each individual must wrestle with God’s word on these matters and stand before God with his own conscience. God will know. God will judge. God will decide.
Back To the Basics
Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? From Jesus: No, it is not.
Is it lawful for a man to remarry after he divorces? From Jesus: No, it is not.
** Disclaimer: This article intentionally does not deal with the situation Jesus mentions as an exception in Matthew 19 where one of the two spouses commits adultery while married.